The Princess Tales

To my esteemed readers,

As many of you know, for the past year, I have been working on re-tellings of several classic fairy tales. I had originally planned on doing only five: Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and The Princess and the Pea.

About half-way through The Princess and the Pea, however, I realized that I didn't want to quit doing The Princess Tales. So I decided to do three more and split the eight I had into two volumes: Once Upon a Time, and Not So Happily Ever After. Then I got even more ideas and decided to to a third volume, entitled Damsels of Distress. (It was originally going to be Damsels in Distress, but I prefer the new title.)

But I still wasn't finished. However, I wasn't sure which fairy tales to do. I didn't want to pick obscure ones, but I thought I had pretty much covered the more well-known ones. So, I picked up a few fairy tale collections and started paging through. The ones I thought were the best choices I put up as a poll on my blog, and several of you voted for the ones you wanted to see re-written.

So, I am pleased to announce that there will be a fourth volume of Princess Tales, containing the following fairy tales.

The Little Mermaid

Thumbelina

Snow White and Rose Red

The Wild Swans

The new volume will be entitled Knights in Shining Armor.

I am not entirely sure if this will be the last Princess Tales volume. If I find more new fairy tales or come up with new ideas of my own, then there might be. If you have any suggestions for new Princess Tales, feel free to comment and leave ideas. Thank you for all of you who voted on the poll.

In Fervent Hope of Personal Sanity,

R.e. Mayes

Christmas Break

I'm currently on Christmas break. I haven't done a whole lot, but I have done some.

I started out my break going to a surprise birthday party for a friend of mine. We stayed up until almost 4 in the morning watching Beauty and the Beast.

A few days later, I went to my friend's early birthday party. Just for kicks, we did goth-girl makeovers and made grilled cheese sandwiches at 2 in the morning. We also went sledding. My second time down the hill I ran into a fence and hurt my backside. Ouch.

On Christmas Eve, we finally had a living room to put our tree up in, so we put it up and went to the Christmas Eve service at church, despite rain. (Yes, we did have rain on Christmas Eve. Which was lame.)

We also had rain on Christmas as well, although that turned into snow in time for us to watch White Christmas later that night. (Which is good, because watching White Christmas when it's not snowing is even lamer than rain on Christmas Eve.)

My grandparents came the day after Christmas, and my mom and my grandma and I went shopping yesterday. Needless to say, we did a considerable bit of economic stimulation. :)

On Thursday night, I'll be going to the annual youth group all-nighter, which will include laser tagging, Wii tournaments, and possibly sledding.
I'll try to put pictures on when I can figure out how to.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving always gets a little overlooked, in my opinion. It's right in between Halloween and Christmas, and it has no distinctive music or decor (except maybe cornucopias). And, when most people do think about Thanksgiving, it's usually about turkey, pumpkin pie, or football, if you're a guy, when, in actuality, Thanksgiving is, as its name suggests, a time to give thanks.
Here are a few things I'm thankful for.

1. Salvation
2. A loving family
3. A house (not much of one right now, thanks to our renovations)
4. Good health
5. Strange but wonderful friends
6. Teachers who actually care about their students (or are very good at faking it) :)
7. God's sovereignty
8. Fuzzy socks
9. Books
10. Ice cream!

More Quotes

Here's another round of quotes.

Never tell me the odds.-Han Solo
Not all who wander are lost.-J.R.R Tolkien
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.-Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.-Mark Knopfler
Wherever you are, be all there.-Jim Elliot
Death is the surest solution to all problems-no man, no problem.-Joseph Stalin
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.-Calvin
Say something wise and philosophical and your name will be remembered forever.-Unknown
I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.-Audrey Hepburn
Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people.-This guy in a Batman movie
It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.-Mignon McLaughlin

If you find any funny/profound quotes, send them to me.

Book Reports

Once again, I am being forced to write a book report for school. Two things wrong with that.
1. I not only have to find a book that's decent enough to do a book report on, but I also have to find one that I've never read before.
2. When I do manage to find a book, I will have to read it and then give an unbiased report on it.

Both of which will be difficult to achieve. First off, it's pretty much an extreme sport to actually FIND a decent piece of young adult literature, and then to get it approved should probably become a part of the Olympics.
The reading itself, while normally (for me) is simple, is usually complicated when, halfway through the book, I realize that I really, really, really hate the book. And it's not very easy to write a good book report encouraging fellow students to read the book to find out what happens next if you yourself did not actually care what happened next when you read it.
And slamming the book isn't really an option either, because teachers don't let you say what you actually thought about the book, unless you loved it. Which (in my experience) doesn't happen often.
So, if any of you have any good ideas for future book report books that won't put me to sleep but will be deemed appropriate, I'd like to hear them. Really.

The Frog Prince

Well, I've begun work on my sixth Princess Tale: The Frog Prince. Princess Arabella is an animal-loving, free-spirited girl whose parents suddenly arrange a marriage with Prince Alfonso, one of the sons of the ruler of a bordering country. Here's an excerpt from the story when she first meets Alfonso.

Beyond this door was the man who, whether I liked it or not, was going to be my husband. The man who was going to rule my country. The man whose face I would wake up to for the rest of my life. The man who was going to-gulp-father my children.
I took a deep breath, wishing that my maid hadn't tightened my corset so much, and turned the knob. Then I stepped through the doorway.
And that's when I first saw him. He was hideous. His hair was pale reddish-blonde, and he had luminescent green eyes that were so big that they made him look like a disturbed frog. His nose (also too large) was bright pink, and his gangly limbs looked too big for his body.
The fragile soap bubble of hope I'd had burst. There was no way in the whole world I would ever be able to marry him. Ever.

Back to School

Tomorrow is our first day of school. Here's a poem on "Back to School." Which is entirely true. (Not that I engage in any such behavior as described, of course.)

Back to School

Nobody's paying attention.
None of the homework's been done.
The teacher's exhausted and wondering
How she'll cope until recess at one.

We're napping on piles of our notebooks,
Paper airplanes and spitballs are flying.
No one remembers their grammar,
And the teacher groans like she's dying.

The boys are all running 'round rampant.
They're breaking every school rule.
Have we made it clear enough yet
That we don't want to come back to school?
-R.e. Mayes

Letter to Daddy

Letter to Daddy

Dear Daddy,
Daddy, I'm sorry.
You taught me to do right.
You told me, "Never drink and drive."
But I did just that last night.

Daddy, I'm really sorry.
I partied and got high.
I know, I know I should have refused
When my friends asked me to drive.

I'm so, so sorry, Daddy.
I thought it was all just a game.
And, playing it, I crashed the car,
And I'll take all the blame.

I'm really sorry, Daddy,
Please forgive my dumb mistake.
It's all my fault, I know that.
I caused all your heartbreak.

I've learned my lesson, Daddy:
Don't EVER drink and drive.
Maybe if I'd listened
I might still be alive.
--R.e. Mayes

Don't worry, this isn't autobiograpical.

P.s. Yes, you can cry.

August: A Blessing, or a Curse?

It's August. I've always liked August: my birthday's in August, it's when the weather is hottest (which means trips to the pool-always fun), and we're usually on vacation the first few weeks of August. (Also always fun.) But it's also bad, in a way, because school starts (not fun.) :p And, after vacation, there's not a whole lot to do. Here's a poem about summer.

The end of homework and of school.
The beginning of family trips to the pool.
No more boring old school days.
Instead, I sit around and laze.
But...
My friends are gone on different trips.
My melting ice cream drips and drips.
The only thing to do at home
Is sleep, or maybe write a poem.

--R.e. Mayes

P.S. Does anyone else out there have an August 22 birthday???

Pictures from vacation out west

The sunset on the way to CO

Pike's Peak, as viewed from the road

Somewhere over the rainbow...

(Come on, sing with me!)

Our family reunion

Pretty waterfall...

Me standing by the "America the Beautiful" monument at the summit of Pike's Peak

Me, my brothers, and the donuts

The Pike's Peak Weather Station

The view from the summit

The road for the people who like having REALLY high blood pressure

One of the Cog trains.

A tree on the side of Pike's Peak

Journey to the West

I recently returned from a trip out in Colorado. I do have pictures, which I will post as soon as I can figure out how to. Here is what we did.
5/30-Traveled to Colorado. As we were getting in to the state, it started to rain, and we saw a rainbow-the whole thing. Got to my great-aunt's condo at around 9:10 pm Mountain time.
5/31-Went to see my great grandma and great-great aunt.
6/1-Went to Heritage Square, an amusement park. It rained in the morning, but it was clear enough in the afternoon for us to go down the Alpine Slide, this huge slide that goes down a mountain, which was very fun. (My mom and great-aunt elected to stay at the bottom.)
6/2-Went to the Denver Mall, which is huge. And awesome. Very awesome.
6/3-Went to Pike's Peak and the Garden of the Gods. The Garden of the Gods is a park with these huge red sandstone formations. Unfortunately, it was foggy and rainy, so it was kind of hard to see some of the stuff. But what we were able to see was cool. Then, after lunch, we went to the Cog Railway so we could go up the peak. We rode the train up the mountain, and about halfway there, we broke through the clouds and saw the sun. At the top of the mountain, it was about 30 degrees and I was standing in knee-deep snow. We got doughnuts and, after eating about two of them (they were sooo good), I went outside to stand in the snow again and get pictures done. After going all the way back down the mountain, we went back to the place where we'd eaten lunch, and my great-aunt got me a turquoise ring as an early birthday present.
6/4-Did laundry and played Mexican Train Dominos, which is really fun. I even won a few times!
6/5-Went to the Denver Mint and the 16th Street Mall. The mint was interesting. Random Fact: The heads side of a penny is actually called the obverse side and the tails side is the reverse side. Who knew? Then, we had cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory, and went to a Barnes&Noble. Unfortunately, we did not stay as long as I would have liked to (the whole rest of the day).
6/6-A whole bunch of our relatives came and we had a huge party. We went to the pool for about three hours, and I got sunburned, prompting the nickname "Rudolph Jr." (My older brother was Rudolph.)
6/7-We went out for a Chinese lunch and said good-bye to my great uncle before he left for the airport. His flight, however, was delayed by hail and severe weather. We had to go down to the basement because there were tornados in the area. No complaints, though-there was a TV down in the basement. :)
6/8-We traveled back home to WI, stopping overnight in Iowa at a very nice hotel.
6/9-We got home at about 4 in the afternoon and started work on laundry. :p

The End of School

Today was the last day of school for us. Here are two poems, one older and one newer, on the end of school.

Doodles on my Desk

Today's the final day of school,
And I am glad to go.
My head's chock-full of learning,
And other things I'll have to know.

I'm scrubbing at my desk lid.
It's graffitied and tattooed.
My masterpiece is fading.
How could my teacher be so rude?

There are flowers, signatures,
The names of ex-boyfriends.
But all must blur and be erased
At the school year's end.

The smileys, hearts, and pictures
Are now left to history.
No one else will see them now.
Not my teachers, friends, or me.

I scrub the last of them away.
My perfect, perfect art.
And yet, my legacy lives on
Graffitied on my heart.

Cleaning Out My Desk

Once again, it's time
For us to clean out our desks.
I'll need a hacksaw, a torch, and a map.
(A desk's bowels are rather grotesque.)

I open the lid. It's dark inside.
I start work on my pencil tray.
I find lead, erasers, and notes,
And candy that's seen better days.

I dump the whole lot in my backpack.
Then I pull out textbooks and trash.
I find an overdue library book
And thirteen bucks-all in cash!

Drawings of much despised teachers,
Colored pencils, pens, and more books.
The pile grows taller than I am,
And my classmates crowd 'round for a look.

At the very, very bottom,
There's old homework, a magnet, a comb.
I'm done, but I have a new problem:
How do I get this stuff home?

--R.e. Mayes

Note: My desk is not a virtual bio hazard, and I do not draw on my desk top.

Quotes

I have a thing for cool/funny quotes. Here are a few I've collected.
When in doubt, look intelligent.-some guy whose name I do not remember
Do, or do not! There is no try!-Yoda
When one does not know what to say, it is best to be silent.-The King of Siam
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.-some guy
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.-Miss Piggy
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you've ever tried.-Phoebe McKeeby
One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.-old proverb
If you want to be a genius, you've got to read books and the newspaper.-Kevin Mayes
It is better that people think you are stupid than for you to open your mouth and let them know for sure.-Ben Franklin
Shall I describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?-Legolaus
Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?-Gimli the dwarf

Anyway, these are just a few. If I think of more I'll put them on later.

May

It's finally May! We can now go outside without huge coats, and spring has finally arrived in Wisconsin. Here is an acrostic (poem that spells a word vertically) on spring.

Sidewalk chalk
Peony bushes bloom
Relaxation
Irises
Nice weather
Golden dandilions

Have a great spring!

The Empty Tomb

In secret, Sunday morning,
Three mourners, women, came
With spices to anoint the body
Of a man, Jesus by name.

The heavy stone before the door
Was already rolled away.
A man sat upon the stone
That guarded the place where Jesus lay.

"Why seek ye the living
"Among these silent dead?
"He is no longer here!
"He has risen!" the man said.

The women recalled their Savior's words
And ran to spread the word.
They told his other followers
About what had occurred.

And though 2000 years have passed,
Death still holds no fear
For the world changed with those four words
"He is not here!"

Hallelujah, He is risen!

Ari

I am living proof that Murphy's Law exists. Anything that can happen will happen and it will happen to me.
-Ari Lucas
I have finally started work on my novel! It is based on my life as a junior higher. (Oh, and I am basing the characters on real people, so watch out!) Anyway, here is an excerpt from the novel.
"What are you ladies doing in here?" said a nasal voice behind us.
Lizzi and I whipped around. There, her salt-and-pepper bun nearly brushing the door frame, was the tallest, most evil-looking woman I'd seen in my life. She wore a black skirt and matching jacket, and had black lace-up granny boots. A pair of teeny spectacles perched on the end of her long, pointy nose, which was scrunched up to keep her glasses on.
"Who are you?" I blurted.
She sniffed. "I am Miss Frances Stein. I will be teaching you this year."...
About three minutes until the bell rang, Anna came in. "Hi, Anna," Leah said.
"Where's the teacher?" Anna asked. Then, as if to answer her question, Miss Stein walked in. Anna's backpack clunked to the floor.
I smiled in a strained, fake way and said, "Yep."...
"I am totally going to fail eigth grade," Anna said.

a brief hiatus

the Mad Poet is taking a brief hiatus
not by her own free choice

she will return when the math grade goes up

enjoy the silence meanwhile

--Mad Poet's Mean Mom

The Dessert

It's sweet and fluffy, rich and tall.
This fine dessert can cream them all.
It's only seven layers high,
This chocolate peanut butter pie.

The whipped cream makes a mound on top.
Once you start, you'll never stop.
Chocolate columns, peanut piles,
This perfect pie is simply wild.

I take a large decadent bite,
But the end of my slice is nowhere in sight.
I drop my fork and start to sigh.
I've been whipped by a small slice of pie.

If you're not drooling, then there's something wrong with you.

25 Random Things that Make Me the Strange Person I am

1. I love high-heeled boots. Or any kind of boots.
2. My friends think that looking something up in the dictionary is asking me what a word means.
3. I have 526 songs on my MP3 player.
4. I have never been in a wedding.
5. I have roasted and eaten roasted Cheetos. (and they're really really good.)
6. I am the worst seam ripper in the history of sewing.
7. I once wore a dress made out of a tablecloth (not out in public, of course.)
8. I have a pair of penguin earrings.
9. I want a huge pair of hoop earrings.
10. My favorite Wii sport is bowling.
11. I love popping bubble wrap.
12. I don't think museums are boring.
13. I have a shoebox filled with manuscripts and my pre-author stage writings. (I really need a bigger shoebox.)
14. I like multiplying and dividing with fractions.
15. I have broken or lost three necklaces at school. (all ones I really liked, too.)
16. I am currently growing my hair out.
17. I sometimes base my book characters on real people.
18.We used to have fish. Most of them died about a month after we got them.
19. If I try really hard, I can sing like Christine from The Phantom of the Opera. (sort of.)
20. I have a huge stuffed tiger in my room.
21. I like stamping with my mom.
22. I collect business cards, quotes, and cool pens.
23. I have a Lego guy named Leroy.
24. I read the newspaper after school.
25. I want to go white-water rafting, scuba-diving, and rapelling someday.

Shadows of a Playhouse
In the backstage catacombs
Where children used to play,
I now see only shadows
Left from yesterday.
Where once a ragged urchin sat,
There’s just a plain old wall.
And where a someday author wrote,
There’s nothing there at all.
Where sparkles used to linger,
Now there’s naught but dirt.
I think of happy, gone-on days
And my heart begins to hurt.
Where we smiled and practiced lines
There’s shadows, nothing more--
Shadows of students and children,
Shadows of props on the floor.
We thought we were inseparable,
But good things rarely last.
Once life was a fairy tale,
But our glory days are past.
--R. E. Mayes
Feb. 2009

This poem is about my experience as Want, the street urchin in A Christmas Carol at Maranatha. After you've taken your final bow, the cast still remembers each other, still might keep in touch, but when you go back and see how much has changed, it can really be depressing.